As some people have studied psychology, there is a Grief model which I think is sometimes helpful in dealing with cults. I don't think this is gospel truth or that it's a universal axiom or law of nature, just that it's a helpful paradigm. It's based on the Elizabeth Kübler-Ross Grief cycle or model. I'm going to put on my amateur psychologist hat. If I modify the Kübler-Ross grief model, amend it a little, and adapt it to leaving the ICOC or ICC, it would look like this:
Stage 1 - Denial - It didn't happen. I will act as if I was never in the ICOC. I can't believe I got suckered into this. What just ran over me, a spiritual Mack truck? I'm just not good enough, I think I'll ignore it. Stuff it all back into the box. Too painful to think about, deal with.
Stage 1 "Shock and Denial" symptoms:
Stage 2 - Anger - How the heck did I and so many people get suckered into this?! How did I just get taken for so much time and money?! What, I'm not the only person who was hurt by this organization? Etc.
Stage 2 symptoms:
Stage 3 and 4 tend to be interchangeable - Depression/Burnout/Detachment + Dialogue/Bargaining/etc.
Depression/Burnout/Detachment symptoms
Dialogue/Bargaining symptoms
Stage 5: Integration and Acceptance: being able to accept good and bad, establishing a new identity without being plagued by negativity, doubts, worries especially of falling into another abusive organization/cult, understanding why one got involved and being able to build from this experience.
Acceptance:
Okay, Professor Chris! Tell me what this all means in plain language please!! Well -- many people who leave the ICOC/ICC get stuck in stage 1. They would rather just pretend it didn't happen. They don't find anyone who understands or empathizes. Some people think it's their fault ... they weren't good enough. They'd like to not remember it, and hope that the memories and experiences just go away.
Unfortunately that's not how the psyche works, and old memories have a nasty way of popping back up in bad (stressful) situations or even related situations, or through flashbacks and/or triggers. At this point in my life, I've met and worked with thousands of ex-members and would say the overwhelming majority really don't realize that the problem is with the ICOC -- yes, there's a real problem here!
Once people start understanding there's a problem, there's a lot of "voicing of disdain." It's understandable: if you had paid good money for a hotel, and found it rat- and lice- infested, unclean, and a total misrepresentation from the website and the waitstaff were rude and abusive, you'd be pretty upset too, right? You'd probably want to at least write up a review on citysearch or yelp, or talk with the Better Business Bureau. Some people still feel embarrassment or shame at this stage. Some people feel such deep hurt that they get stuck here; they almost fall into the "woe-is-me"/victim mentality.
As for "how long am I going to spend in recovery," I don't think there's a timeline for movement or that one can say, "I was in the ICOC for 10 years. I should move on in 3-6 months or a year (or two or three)." As God treats each of us individually, and deals with us one at a time, so also, I think, there's no "one-size fits all." Be patient. Work through stuff. Sometimes things get better faster. Sometimes not. Some people are able to adjust quicker. Some people take longer. Even a former Moonie and cult expert, Steven Hassan, admitted that he had the occasional irrational thought or behavior even a decade or two after his involvement with the Moonies (discussed below). It's okay if it's slower than you'd want. And it's great if you can get back on your feet quickly.
There are (at least) three helpful actions I would suggest: 1) slowly but gradually work through your experiences, 2) getting perspective, and then 3) figure stuff out to "integrate" these experiences. Often 1+2 are parallel and are a process and take some time.
Strategy 1: Working through experiences (and issues)
The ICOC was not 100% evil or bad. Nor is it 100% good. And certainly not 100% biblical. There were a lot of good and bad things, and a lot of things to think about and sort through. Many people find having a diary or journal helpful ... and even if it's a Word document that you type in. There are some things you might want to process more. It's okay to be angry or upset about being taken advantage of (if you have these feelings).
It's also helpful to work through various issues (as you put it, anxiety being a symptom). What makes you anxious? Why does it make you anxious? What in specific causes anxiety?
For me, some of my issues included boundaries, judgmentalism, thinking my willpower was stronger than it is, control, and several other things. Steve Hassan ("Combatting Cult Mind Control") and I were working with a couple who had just left one of the churches, and we were expressing that one should be patient, it might take some time to identify and to work through all of the issues. Steve was saying that years after he had left the Moonies, he had a run in with a member who wanted to get into a fight, even had threatened to kill him, and he had the irrational thought that he would gladly die for standing up to the Moonie member. Then he realized, this was Moonie training; to want to die is probably not very rational!
And for triggers: there are a number of words and phrases, jargon that we learned, that may trigger certain emotions/feelings/experiences. Steve Hassan also wrote that he would go into conniptions whenever he heard the word "moon," despite it being a fairly commonplace word. He had to learn a new association with it, like "Isn't the full moon an incredible color?" This takes time to learn new and positive associations with certain words.
Strategy 2: Getting perspective
What almost all of us were denied when we joined was a critical perspective (like truly knowing what we were getting ourselves into). Moreover, there are many things that we might have seen, that, because we were kept so busy, we really didn't think much about or question. I have almost universally heard that it has been helpful to talk with other former members or read the forums or read websites that analyze the International Churches of Christ (I am biased, of course).
When people understand they were not alone, that their abusive was not uncommon, and find other people who have worked through, been through, or experienced similar difficulties, it helps a lot. Or finding people who are compassionate and understanding.
Finding perspective also helps you process the good and the bad. When I first left, I was like, this is the church of God, I am weak and unable to be good enough. A few months later, I had realized a few problems on my own, and could say, "Yeah, there's a lot of good things, and a few minor bad things." Upon talking with Christians, other former members, I realized there were a lot of problems, and I could safely say, "Yeah, there's good things, there's a LOT of bad things, and I'm glad I'm not associated with that anymore."
Strategy 3: Figuring stuff out and integration
Your past, my past, makes us what we are. We can't change history. What we can do is to be understand it well enough that we can move forward from it. I was a member in the Boston Church of Christ for two and a quarter years. I have since been out as of January 2014, over 20 years. It was another part of my life, almost a story at this point in time. I can talk about my past freely and have processed it and understand why I got involved and what I learned from it, what to watch out for.
Boston-based counselor David Cloutier once observed that cults cause you to have a "new" identity. For instance, when he was in the Boston Church of Christ, there was good old pre-BCOC Dave, and then there was rabid Scripture-spouting Bible-thumping fired up Dave. Both identities fight for survival and assert themselves under different circumstances. Part of integration is to be able to figure some of this out.
It's kind of the same for victims of any abuse or traumatic experience. Given enough time and healing and processing, you can integrate it ... it becomes a part of you, and then can move forwards without being traumatized, anxious, fearful, or other negative feelings.
Integration comes from a base word "integer" or in a way, "one-ness" or synonymously, "wholeness." It's about putting together your experience in a way that makes for one identity, one story (even with many chapters). It's also about putting together functioning and non-functioning/dysfunctional parts.